Direction to Perfection

Against all odds...

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 22:58:55 GMT

They say that good things come to those who wait and maybe this will be one of those things. Or not, whatever’s good.

It has been too long from my last blog, far too long indeed. School drove me to insanity last year and I was just so out of touch that I couldn’t even bring myself to blog during the Summer but lately I’m feeling nostalgic for the days of blogging every day instead of, you know, actually working.

Wow, Spaces has changed greatly from my last visit. I hope I don’t get lost when posting this!

Well, my exams went surprisingly well considering how little work I put into them. It wasn’t my fault this year, however, as all of my exams were in a two week block with an exam every single day which led to a lot of “night before” revision. I can’t even remember how they went except I had convinced myself that I failed Spanish and was going to have to drop it.

My AS results:

History: A – I’m glad I got this, I mean seriously glad. I still want to do History at University and I love it! I actually got 100% in the Nazi paper (the hardest one, THE SOURCE PAPER- ARGG!) which I am seriously proud of. No-one in my history class believes me, though. Bloody boys (Yes, STILL AM THE ONLY FEMALE.)

Politics: A – Yeah, I got an A in Politics, isn’t that utterly bizarre? I had no idea that it was possible to get an A in this subject so you can imagine my surprise. I was well chuffed.

English- A – I know, stop laughing!!! English has always been my best subject even though I don’t really like it. I basically spent all of last year doodling on a page, barely handing in a homework and managing to lose all of my Translations notes before the exam. How on earth did I get 270/300? I feel like I should put extra-effort in this year to make me feel more deserving of this grade!

Spanish: B – Even more shocking... I didn’t fail Spanish and I actually got quite a good mark! I was only 10 points off an A! Miracles do happen and are everywhere.

I decided to keep all of my subjects for A2 which is turning out to be incredibly stressful. I rarely have a Study period and I don’t have Careers classes because they can’t fit it into my timetable which is obviously making me incredibly nervous about applying for Uni.

I’m doing Community Service at Childline this year too! Nothing too spectacular and world-changing but, you know, without filing or whatever I’m needed to do, Childline couldn’t function.

Summer holidays? An eventful summer, for a change. I went to Florida for 2 weeks with the family unit and spent a week in Portrush with the friends. Both were amazing holidays and I spent all of my EMA money and am now poor. I also went out quite a lot and experienced some new activities!

I even went to a nightclub for Kelly’s birthday. EEEEKK! It was awful. The place reeked of smoke, there were 3932321932103219832932871328231320 million people thrusting and moving, and I knew approximately ZERO songs. I hate RNB (??) and rap. HATEHATEHATEHATEHATE.

I was 18 in July which was a nice change to being 17. I went out with my friends for dinner and a little mess about which was nice. I can’t stand exhibitionist events so it was perfectly low-key and snazzy for my goodself.

Lucius the Snake is doing fine, in case you’re asking. I saw Snakes on a Plane the other week so I haven’t picked him up since... just in case...

I was gutted about the death of Steve Irwin who I loved to bits. He was my actual hero and I was completely and utterly devastated. I cried a little, something I don’t do a lot. He brought so much to the world and now it just seems darker somehow. STOP SENDING ME “STEVE IRWIN IS DEAD JOKES” because they will NOT be appreciated. Thank you.

I’m on the committee for the senior school magazine, published termly and going ahead whether I have to write every damn article myself. No-one seems really interested in it but I really hope it takes off because I love a place to express myself!

Speaking of which, I’m moving and starting afresh at some other blog because I don’t think I could continue writing my old blog. New scenery and all that jazz. Ok, actually, I’ve moved now. I’m at MindSay and my new home is

http://owlishargento.mindsay.com/

(I know, I could have changed but I love my name. It is just me.)

So, finally saying goodbye and maybe I’ll see you again soon,

She-Who-Bows-Out,

We can build this thing together, standing strong forever, nothing's going to stop us now!

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 18:11:34 GMT

It takes something both as simple and as refreshing as a short walk in a load of rain to give you the longing to do something you haven’t done in quite a while. Quite a nice day, too, despite the showers but as a rain person I entirely support the continuation of our dominance.

Oh, yeah, HI!

This is the first night I have had, for what seems like forever, to just sit, think and blog. Normally I am far too exhausted (No, LITERALLY.) to even consider blogging but I’ve got a little bit of a breather tonight before the slaughter.

Yes, exams are starting soon. I am literally doing school work from 7 am to 12 am, trying to keep up with the workload. It is just essay after essay after essay with no sign of escaping from my paper, pen and book prison. I even dream about homework which is why I am so entirely sick. Yes, physically sick. My immune system has been shattered to pieces this year with a lack of sleep, too much demand and no natural light/air. Soon, however, it will all be over. All of it. I’ll use this summer to catch up with... life. No more Year 13... We’ll be Year 14 in September and then things get worse. Don’t even want to think about that.

Sorry, it seems like I am complaining over everyone else’s problems because I know everyone is going through the same thing. I’m just verging on breaking-point and I know that it is all my fault and that it will only get worse, which is why I feel so awful! I can’t give up anything and I can’t think of a solution to my lack of hours in the day to sleep/eat/breathe problem. Can anyone help me?

Anyway! Life is crap, yes, I know. Just need to deal with it and ignore it! Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both, oh yes they both, oh yes they both. (Whoever can tell me where that song is from will get a prize!*)

*The prize is the satisfaction of getting the answer right. Hurrah!

Life!

I went to London last month. It was a fantastic trip! We learnt how to campaign for our causes which was great as I ended up campaigning for basically a totalitarian society- direct result of sticking with the people you know. Was fun though! On the second day we went to the House of Commons and the House of Lords (Yes, in same place but SHUSH!) which was, as you can imagine, fantastic. We saw MAGGIE THATCHER!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!! We also saw Sir Reg Empy, Mark Durkan, Alistair McDonnell, and Sammy Wilson. It is fantastic! When I went to Stormont for a day, I didn’t see one Northern Ireland politician... I had to go to London to see one of my elected representatives!!! We also saw David Davis who spent his time putting his feet up on the very expensive “touch this and DIE, members of the public” green sofa seats (!!!!!) and he looked like he was picking his nose. Very nice. So glad David Cameron won!!!!

I touched David Cameron’s box. OMGYEAHBABYYEAH!!!!!!!

We spent an hour with a member from the House of Lords called... Lord Resedale. He was lovely and spent half the time slagging other politicians off. Very funny guy for, you know, LORD Resedale.

After that we went to... PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. DUMMMM DUM DUM DUM DUH DUMMM.... Brilliant!!!

Had a good time in London! Nice break from actual work!

YIG has finished for good. I am YIG-less.

Friends still doing well. Everyone is sort of exploding every day so we’re all a bit... unhinged at the minute! Emma and Jimmy are trying to make things work (He asked her out twice and she cancelled both dates. URGGGG! Do they need me to do everything? Hehe!) and Emma is going insane. Sarah and Alannah have jumped from their shells and it is great now! We’re all normal... Except for Leigh, she’s never normal! Lyndsey now hates, loathes and despises all men. It’s great!

“If I wasn’t a Christian, I’d be a lesbian”- How on earth does she come up with the things?

Spanish oral is in about two weeks and the rest of the exams start in about a month. I’ve revised a bit but I have been nightmarishly sick over the Easter break with something that is most likely food poisoning. And I’ve been stuck in Millisle for ages. URGGGGGGGG!!!!!

I give up with it all now, really. I’ll quite gladly just try and hold onto my last bit of sanity.... *clutches*

Sorry about the massive delays. Life has just grinded me down, kicked me, spat upon me, filled me with tobacco, rolled me and smoked me.

Only good thing that is happening is that Angel has started on Sci-Fi! Lost starts next week, Desperate Housewives is still running and Deal or no deal still continues to rock my socks, leik whoa.

I LOVE THE BANKER. OMGYEAH!

She-Who-Is-Curiously-Worried-About-Her-Sanity,

My computer hates me. This BETTER post or I will kill it. I haven’t been on MSN for ages, it seems! Haha!

Everybody needs somebody to love. Someone to love.

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 18:14:15 GMT

I was almost not going to blog today until I saw the pile of homeworks, file pages needing poly-pocketed and the other responsible things I could be doing.

My Prefect Application Form is sneering at me evilly as I type this. Yes, I’m applying to become a Prefect next year for a reason that is beyond me. I didn’t do incredibly well in my Winter Exams, I don’t really do that much in terms of Contribution to College and, let’s face it, the role of Prefect is basically all responsibility and no perks. I’m actually not kidding. It’s turned into more a ceremonial role now that they have little to no actual power/privileges. (In fact, most people I have spoken to are only applying to have something nice to write on their UCAS application form. ) I still want to be one though, even though I doubt that I will get it due to my lack of having decent qualities.

Still, it is better to have been rejected than to never have tried, right?

And the whole way through it, I make reference to my, ahem, maturity, my responsibility, my dedication to my work and my reliability. Indeed, I sound like a spoon. Would you like to see my personal statement? Has to be 150 words which is almost impossible to do!

“When I first came to WCB, I was a timid girl who had a less than healthy belief in her own opinions. Now, I feel like I have grown as a person and owe something to the school.

I consider myself a dependable, mature teenager with a head for organisation. This can be highlighted by my extra-curricular activities in which I held positions of trust, reliability and responsibility for younger members of a group.

I closely follow school policy; I have almost full attendance, no lates and have lost few merit marks from Year 8.

I also am a creative person, shown in various activities inside and outside school, therefore, if I were made prefect I would be enjoy organising charity events with a fun twist!

I am determined, perceptive, hard-working, honest, assertive, well mannered, approachable, imaginative, quite energetic and I feel I would suit the role of prefect.”

Urg... I just want to slap myself. I sound so seedy and vile. I hope I get the badge though... I quite like the idea of power.

No, wait... I’m a nice girl.

Not power-hungry in the slightest.

*nervous twitch*

I don’t know if I mentioned this; I got a new stapler, a hole punch and a strange staple-puller-outer which I’m enjoying to a ridiculous degree. I’ve basically got a lot of scrap paper and I’m currently stapling it together and proceeding to rip out the staples with my stapler-puller-outer machine.

Don’t even get me started on the strange activities I am using my hole-punch for!

I love stationery.

*has also purchased 300 black pens, twelve highlighters in varying shades of colour, 500 poly-pockets and new posters for her bedroom.

Oh! My posters...

Yes, a cute dog. A map of the world. Indeed, it is my bedroom.

Anyway, what today’s blog has been about is responsibility. (What do you mean you didn’t notice that my blog had a theme?!) I’ve spent the last few days trying to condense my life into a paragraph of no more than 150 words and the only word I knew that I had to include was “Responsibility” for the simple fact that it has so much connotation that to ignore it would be as foolish as ignoring responsibility all together.

During the Ball in Emma, Harriet is slighted by the evil git, Mr Elton, because he refused to dance with her and rubbed it into her face that he wouldn’t. Mr Knightly (*swoon*) takes upon him the responsibility of a gentlemen and asks Harriet to dance, thereby upholding the social hierarchy. Responsibility is the ability to do what you must even if you don’t particularly want to.

Reminds me of another literary reference. SEVERUS SNAPE IS NOT EVIL, you slags. He took on the responsibility of his actions and “killed” Dumbledore. He did not do it because he was evil. He did not relish killing Dumbledore (If, indeed, Dumbledore is even dead. Some of those theories are hitting buttons with me.) but he did it for the “greater good”. He sacrificed it all for his duty.

Responsibility is doing what you know you have to do. It is saying “I’ve done this, what are the consequences?” which, I believe, many people lack in this modern age of diminished responsibility. What a shame that some people are lazy, irresponsible sods.

It was my Granda’s 60^th Birthday on Friday so the whole family went to Eastenders for a nice meal and then back to Granny’s house for rocking party. Mostly spent night being haunted by earliest surviving footage of me as a charming eight-year-old.

*wince*

It was during a Christmas party. I was dressed in a metallic, pink dress with a white cardigan. (Not that bad considering my mother was wearing a reject from the Johnny Cash wardrobe and my Auntie Norma was dressed in what appeared to be tin-foil.) So strange seeing my little self taking control of the microphone and bossing everyone around, like I do now only I was smaller. Very, very, very surreal to think the only thing that has changed from I was eight to now, approaching eighteen, is the fact that I would rather be seen dead than wearing a pink dress.

I didn’t know my friends back then, I didn’t want to be a Prefect, I didn’t have a responsibility in the world, I didn’t blog, I didn’t really know what a Nazi was, Poly-pocketing was something to do with Polly Pocket, homework took ten minutes to do, I was a complete and utter teacher’s pet, all I really wanted was world peace and the thought of going to YIG would have been laughable.

Wow, how unusual.

Did I mention I’m going to our Parliament buildings (Stormont. The only place in Northern Ireland were you can go without bumping into a politician!) to do a speech on Thursday? Anyone got any tips for public speaking that involve me NOT DYING?

Oh... Someone just sent me a Numerology report! YAY!!! *loffs*

My Life Path Number (The Life Path number gives us a broad outline of the opportunities, challenges, and lessons we will encounter in this lifetime)

Charlene , you are the philanthropist, humanitarian, socially conscious, and are

deeply concerned about the state of the world. You have great compassion and

idealism. You are a utopian, and will spend your life trying to realize some aspect

of your utopian dream, sacrificing money, time, and energy for a better world. It is

in giving that you will find much satisfaction.

You have a broad outlook on life. You tend to see the big picture, rather than the

minute details. You naturally attract people from all walks of life who can fit into

your larger plans and take over the areas you find uninteresting. The person with

a 9 Life Path is rarely prejudiced or accepts social biases of people. Instead, they

evaluate people on the basis of what they can do for the larger cause. They are

the true egalitarian.

Charlene , you are imaginative and creative, especially at harmoniously

arranging the beauty already potential in the environment. These abilities can lead

you into such fields as interior decorating, landscape art, and photography. But

because of your strong social consciousness, you can be an effective politician,

lawyer, judge, minister, teacher, healer, and environmentalist. Vocations that

require self- sacrifice and have a clear social impact are common among 9s.

You are often disappointed by the realities of life: the shortcomings of others, or

of yourself. Somehow, you don't want to accept the imperfections of the world, a

feeling that drives you constantly to try to improve upon it. But rather than be

satisfied with your efforts, and those of others, you relentlessly push on, striving

for greater accomplishments. You are often unsatisfied with the results. In short,

you lack the perspective that would otherwise make it possible for you to enjoy life

more fully, and accept its natural limitations.

You have a controlled enthusiasm and the ability to finish what you start.

A key to your personality is the necessity of sacrifice. You have to learn to let

go of material possessions and relationships, the inherent lesson being that

holding on too tightly to anything causes pain.

Money comes to you through mysterious or unexpected ways: inheritance; the

benevolence of someone who was inspired by your work; or a lucky investment.

Conversely, if you pursue money for its own sake, after giving up on your larger

dreams, you're likely to find yourself empty handed.

The most successful and satisfying road for a nine is giving; sharing and

sacrificing for a larger goal, without expecting anything in return. Charlene , your

greatest chance at success is to tie your personal fortunes to an endeavor that

makes the world a better place for others. Very often, this turns into a highly

successful and lucrative enterprise, providing amply for you and your family. Your

life rests on the axiom that the more you give, the bigger your reward.

You are romantic, but your love is more impersonal. You tend to be focused on

your dreams.

When you are not in harmony with your true nature, you can fall to moodiness,

or become aloof, and withdrawn. You can become timid, uncertain, and

ungrateful, putting the blame for your troubles on others or the world. You have a

gift for examining your life objectively, and at some distance. Be honest with

yourself. By openly facing your shortcomings, as well as your strengths, you

develop equilibrium. You are thus able to love and better understand yourself and

all of life.

And my other interesting one is... My Heart’s Desire. (The Heart's

Desire demonstrates the identity of the soul that joined the earth -- you, the spiritual being.)

Charlene , you want success in its fullest meaning -- wealth, power, and

material comforts. You have an enormous ambition. You dream of big projects,

great undertakings, and rewards.

You are a visionary. You see the horizon and the promise. In general, you also

see the methods necessary to fulfil that promise. But you are not especially

good with details; you need others to help you deal with the smaller parts of the

picture. Your challenge is to make full use of the full spectrum of your abilities, as

indicated by your other core numbers. In the same way, you must bring forth the

best from others and orchestrate their talents toward the realization of your vision.

In short, you must lead by example, demonstrating the standard for commitment,

determination, and excellence.

All of this requires effort on your part. You will meet with obstacles and

difficulties. Your determination and commitment will be tested. But you have the

power to overcome every obstacle you face and accomplish the goal you've set

for yourself.

Charlene , your task in life is to learn to use power in refined and elevated

ways. The expression and use of power is directly related to one's personal

evolution. The more primitive uses of power rest with violence and the threat of

deprivation. The higher expressions depend upon your capacity to care for and

nourish the people and projects in your charge, giving each exactly what is

needed at the appropriate time and in appropriate amounts.

You have a creative mind and an unusual approach to business and

problem-solving.

You need to cultivate your ability to evaluate others.

It is essential for you to be involved in a project that challenges you and offers

the potential for rewards. When you are uninvolved or unoccupied with a

worthwhile task, you can become deeply despondent, depressed, and frustrated.

You are the perfect example of the old cliche, "Idle hands are the devils

workshop." Without a challenge, you can lose balance in life and become selfish,

cruel, and even self-destructive. Disappointments become shattering, causing

terrible consequences in self-image and self-love.

Perspective is everything for you. You have a natural talent for balancing the

spiritual and material planes.

Charlene , you need to cultivate courage and stamina. Courage is a choice.

You need to decide to be brave in the face of fear. A balanced 8 is among the

most powerful and satisfying of numbers. It is the spirit of the true survivor, able

to bounce back and achieve a greater victory.

Gosh, I just love things like that. Got any more for me people? I’ll love you forever!

I’m off to responsibly do some homework. Or maybe not.

(Mostly, I’m going to staple something.)

She-Who-Is-Fascinated,

I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I live as I believe.

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 18:47:36 GMT

Look at me, learning, growing, maturing, as a person with my second blog entry in the span of a few days. Indeed, I am blossoming as a blogging flower once more.

It is though the sun has cracked the surface of an algae-covered pond and I, pond-scum extraordinaire, am finally waking up after a winter nibbling on the remains of a deceased gold-fish. The sun is shining, there is the faint odour of honeysuckle in the air, lambs are frolicking in the fields, miniature pigs suckle from the teat of their mother, and there is just that certain feeling that maybe life isn’t sucking, that maybe the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t that of the urine-soaked seat of the 1650 express from Donaghadee. Maybe that essay does get smaller with each word added to it’s blankness.

One would almost suppose I was in a good mood today.

(KEYWORD: Almost.)

Wait, houl the bus children.

Is that snow?!?!?!

....

It’s Spring tomorrow and I’m sitting in a snow blizzard!

I love it- at a time of rejoicing ad nausea, it’s bloody snowing. It’s like Mother Nature has decided to totally take the biscuit from everyone.

Let’s not celebrate the blossom of new flowers, the new sheep can go and rot for all I care and if someone dares mention the “Sun is shining and all is great” I will calmly and rationally, tell them to naff off and die.

(I’m not moody.)

Parent/teacher interviews at my school tomorrow. Wow, how much am I not looking forward to that? “Sits in classroom. Does not contribute to class. Could possibly be sitting outside for all anyone cares.” Meh... There’s no point.

In anything really.

YIG (Youth In Government- project run by the Belfast YMCA to promote cross-community relations in NI teenagers. Lots of trips.) was decent last night. Didn’t do a thing except get lecture by lady from Stormont. Am doing speech there on the 9^th March on RE in school. Oh the fun. As you can tell, really looking forward to standing up in Parliament building and making fool of self.

Yes, I know I would be doing it anyway but in front of all those people. Guh.... could you do it?

I’m very bitter tonight, as you may or may not have guessed. Everything is sort of delicately laced with my own brand of caustic, acidic cynicism, I’m sort of ruffling my hypothetical nose and raising my hypothetical eyebrow at everything all of a sudden.

Why on earth does my spell-checker flash to say I have a spelling error and when I click it to discover aforementioned error it says everything is fine? WHY DO YOU DO THIS SPELLCHECKER, WHY? Why is it necessary to irritate me with your big red X just for the sake of seeing me squirm? JUST STOP IT, OK? Stop trying to wind me up!!!!

Why wont it listen to me? Why does it have to always assume that it’s always right? SOMETIMES YOU ARE WRONG, SPELL CHECKER, DEAL WITH IT YOU INSANE THING.

Stop trying to gang up on me because that’s the only way you can make me squirm.

I had an unusual dream last night, unusual in the sense that it was actually a dream in which I was happy, a dream which I could cling to, and then woke up to discover that my dream of complete and utter happiness was just that; a dream. Other events during the day lead me to reinforce the simple and cruel fact that dreams never, NEVER, become reality.

What a shame.

(It is SO not what you are thinking.)

I found a book called “The Collected Poems of Oscar Wilde” which is one I am actually really enjoying. Clever bloke was Mr Wilde... he actually reminds me of Stephen Fry! I don’t quite know how my brain has made that connection but there we go. Oscar Wilde is Stephen Fry! Anyway, very famous stanza coming up from The Ballad of Reading Gaol...

“And all men kill the thing they love,

By all let this be heard,

Some do it with a bitter look,

Some with a flattering word,

The coward does it with a kiss,

The brave man with a sword.”

I really like that. Don’t ask me why; true love has no reason.

Oooohh! Replacement ear-phones for iPod! Goodie!

She-Who-Wonders-If-She-Really-Should-Get-Over-It-All,

Everybody's changing but I don't feel the same.

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 18:23:28 GMT

I know, I’m incredibly sorry. I am a complete fool who needs to be beaten for my lack of updating recently! Real life just has that ridiculous habit of jumping up and biting you when you least expect it. Actually, about mid-week I decided to stop blogging all together which, as you can see, turned out to be a very, very solid promise.

Yeah.

So what have I done that has filled the void in my life that needed to be filled by blogging? To be honest, not a lot. The work is piling up at school to the extent in which I am working from I come home until I go to bed, waking up and doing exactly the same thing the next day. By the weekend, I’m so flat-out stressed that I can barely do anything other than collapse onto my bed and sleep until Monday comes ‘round again....

Also, the YIG trips have started which means I have less time to myself, to recharge and recuperate my poor little beady-body self.

Speaking of the YIG weekend:

It was actually a while ago (gasp! I’m so naughty!) but I’ve got the details if you are interested!

We left Belfast by bus to Londonderry which was about a 2 hour journey. Londonderry is just on the border with Donegal so it’s a very... cosmopolitan little city. Northern Ireland’s second city, actually. It’s completely wrong that you can literally drive from one side of Northern Ireland to the other in about 2 hours! Such a tiny country.... but so very strangely populated.... Look... map!

I sat beside a girl named Sarah and we became friends. She goes to Grosvener (Grow-ven-er for those less Belfast inclined) and the only people she knew at YIG were boys (David, Aaron and Ashley) so she was kind of in the same boat as I was, except I know Hannah but we’re not that close or anything! So, yes, Sarah was lovely. Very friendly and open, telling me how things are in her little world and letting me listen to her music until I retreated to the relative safety of my own iPod. Still, nice to find someone to talk to....

The other girls at YIG are lovely, really. I just didn’t speak to them that much due to a lack of common interest thing rather than actual dislike or anything! They seem lovely people.

I sat with Sarah, David, Aaron and Ashley at meal times which was, erm, exciting as they were very interesting people. David is very Christian and lovely, Aaron is determined to have a communist dictatorship and Ashley is just.... Ashley really. Lovely guys, really fun. They kept phoning people, saying “George Galloway, Legend” and hanging up.

Lots of fun games and things on Friday to let us get to know everyone better. Killing myself laughing just thinking about the “Fox and Rabbit” blindfold game which led a lot of people to fall into each other in strange ways. Nice people!

Bed quite comfortable but I couldn’t sleep. *dies* Up at ridiculously early time next morning so first stop was for coffee and as much of it as possible.

Went to Londonderry city centre to meet Local Historian who gave us tour around ‘Derry’s walls and the Bogside (Bloody Sunday place). Sadly, modern culture caught up with us as the BIG BROTHER CASTING CALL BUS was there too. Colin and Colm tried to barter way onto it and they were allowed to audition by BIG BROTHER but, sadly, the auditions started at 10:30 and we needed to go and tour historic sites. Someone, probably Colm, convinced them we were all part of a band like Blazing Squad. Hehehehe! Philipp was the best, though, as his eternal comment will go down in History as being so bloody funny at the time but probably not now...

“Are you vone of zee Apprentiche Boyhs?”

(In a thick German accent to one of the security guards.)

My day consisted of asking Stephen and Colin ridiculous questions every two minutes. (And of course taking in the cultural and historical gems that surrounded me. YEP!) Really nice guys! Loff them to bits! Great talking about, erm, David Cameron with people whilst being on one of Derry’s Walls and freezing to death. Great guys.

Went to see Apprentice Boys. Huge deal to some people but, mostly, I was glad to be inside and near heat. Went to a room that is a meeting room for some sort of strange, mysterious, secret order of the Apprentice Boys whose symbol was on the floor and covered up and woe and betide anyone who saw it.

Obviously, Colin kicked the cover off when the Apprentice Boy wasn’t looking.

(Big blue star with a yellow background!)

Went to shopping centre for a while but it was crap. Came back to house thing and had massive FOUR ODD HOUR YIG lesson. Sadly, quite boring! After that we went to the cinema and I saw Walk the Line with Sarah/David/Aaron/Ashley and Tracey. (Rest of the boys went to see Munich which they thought was crap. All the girls went to see Rumour Has It which made them want to kill themselves it was so bad.) Walk the Line was FANASTIC! I’ve been listening to Johnny Cash from the weekend! Love that film!

Came and talked with Colin, Stephen and Hannah for a while. (Sarah was there too but we were talking about school people so she got pretty bored.... Oops!) Played pictionary, astounded all with my knowledge of “boy things”, talked a lot, laughed a bit, gossiped and invaded boys dorm room. (Was chucked out by Philipp who was all “GHERLZ! Gherlz in zee boyhs room! Goodnight Gherlz!” but, fair enough, it was 2 am! Love Philipp!)

Went home on Sunday. Bus journey boring! Spent hour texting Colin and Stephen with more random questions until my battery went down. Came home and slept for about a year!

My “big” event of the last week or so! Went to Dublin on Tuesday actually which was not as exciting as NOTHING happened, really. Spent two hours annoying poor Stephen and Colin (Who now probably hate me and want me to stop drinking coffee!), went to the Dail which wasn’t that great and Bertie Ahern was pretty unimpressive!, spent another two hours driving Stephen and Colin mad with my persistent questioning. Basically, that was my Dublin trip! It was actually a good laugh but Dublin itself... not that great, I’m afraid.

And my seat wasn’t urine soaked!

After Dublin I had about an hour to get changed, make dinner and go out to see Lyndsey at the Odyssey. We had a nice little chat and watched Casanova which was actually, surprisingly, decent. Pretty funny!

Haven’t done much since... spent all day yesterday watching Pride and Prejudice (BBC version which is as good as the book! Hell, the book don’t have Colin Firth! It’s BETTER THAN THE BOOK, DAMMIT!) and.... shopping at Tescos. Oooohh, my life thrills all. I got a massive book on Stalin which has been a constant companion!

Spent £60 on clothes, books and DVDs at Connswater the other week. Felt guilty but... awk well.... my money! *splurges* Through the EMA, I have £500 in my bank account for doing NOTHING so I’m quite entitled to splurge occasionally.

I wrote probably the most depressing, angsty poem of my life. I just wanted to experiment with form, style and a lack of rhyme and this depressive piece just decided to jump out and bite me.

Take what it, you will:

We Want What Is Worst

It has long since been over.

(I’m sorry for pretending it wasn’t)

But it really, really is.

It seems wrong, perhaps even indecent,

To see the perfect irony of my life played in such a bitter way

(But then, you know how much I enjoy irony)

(Especially the bitter kind.)

If I don’t laugh about it, friend, I’ll cry blood

I’ll cry bloody murder because it feels like a death,

The death of someone dear, but still the death of a stranger.

A stark juxtaposition, children, do pay attention to my form.

That which I built up from the ground is crumbling to the earth,

Towers of such intimidation are falling, falling forever but then you knew that.

You’ve always known what would happen.

I’m so glad this is happening to me, finally my life has the angst it should contain

(And it gives me a perfect opportunity to write this so, again, thank you)

You are perfect.

Relations are strained, you say with such an adult countenance

Indeed, relations are strained, as you would rightly know.

Who can survive this sort of pathetic farcical relationship?

Us, perhaps? No, never us. We are far too different to be complete

(But still, we managed it- how?)

I’m falling, falling forever, trapped in this prison of my own undoing

I do apologise, most profusely, for using you both in that way,

(You know, to destroy myself)

The truth is, I don’t understand. I don’t understand,

Anything really. I’m lying, pretending, acting once more

But then you’ve always known that.

I don’t hate you, or you, but I do hate me.

Not in a stupid way, in a genuine way, because it’s my fault

My fault for not being you, my fault for being me.

My fault for not acting swiftly.

(My fault for wanting to destroy everything around me-

Finally there is nothing left to destroy but myself.)

All this talk of destruction will make me happy,

For who can deny that which makes me happy?

Happiness is subjective, depression is imminent

(And I asked for it, no, begged for it because who is happy without misery?)

Maybe this will be my lesson, my life changing moment.

Feel that chill? Icy breezes smash into faces with no ceremony

Hair stands on end to accommodate the snap.

Everything has frozen now.

(Especially “Hell”)

Meh, suitably cheerful.

She-Who-Thinks-Your-Look-Good-On-The-Dance-Floor,

They say it changes when the sun goes down

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 17:25:12 GMT

My most humble and profuse of apologies- Real life has that nasty habit of ignoring you until it turns it’s attention onto you X10000000000000000000

I am literally working from 7 AM until 11 PM doing homework upon homework upon everything else my teachers decide would be appropriately difficult. Urg, I know everyone is going through this so please don’t take this as a little... complaint. I know I can stop it at any time by just refusing to go back but I just feel a little stressed out, you know? My brain never stops working until I, quite literally, collapse onto my bed and pass out from the world. Is everyone else feeling the burn of A-Level or am I just really that awful at keeping on top of things?

It does seem like everyone else is coping fine whereas I’m just sort of falling into more and more work without any sign of escaping. I’m really kind of scared, actually. Maybe I’m not cut out for this at all!

Sorry, I’ve been feeling more stressed out than usual which is why I haven’t been blogging as often. Actually for about the last two weeks which is why I’m going to start back into it again after my nice little holiday. I’m refreshed, brain-in-gear and quite willing to take on the world and all it’s little minions and things.

Today is actually a good day to start my blog back because....

It’s my birthday.

Well, no.

But exactly one year ago today, I blogged for the first time! Wow, that’s insane! I feel so very, very, very old all of a sudden. My blog is exactly twelve months old, three-hundred-and-sixty-five days old, fifty-two weeks old. My blog will be moving onto solid food any day soon!

*hugs blog*

I am far too old to compete with all those younger, snazzier blogs written by the disaffected masses about their, quite frankly, mundane existences but believe me when I say I will not stop blogging for anyone, excepting myself.

Just out of curiosity- do you believe the letter X rhymes with the word “affects”?

I’m writing yet another poem to do with politics- this time to explain how FPTP works. I’m actually quite tempted to go through my politics file and write a poem about every topic. Release it as a book!

(And have it pulled for lack of demand.)

Shush, hussy!

I’m actually going away tomorrow with YIG to the Bogside in Londonderry which should be interesting. I’m away all weekend so I’ll probably blog on Monday due to the fact I probably will be off because I will be much too tired to go into school.

Yep.

So... I’m going away with complete strangers for a weekend! How nervous do you think I am right now? Haha! Well, I know Hannah, Stephen and Colin so I’m fine that way but the rest of them.... they seem decent enough people! I’ll learn to love them... All fine, right?

Yep...

So, yes, I leave tomorrow at about 4-ish and come back on Sunday at about 2-ish

Definitely wont have time finally finish English coursework! URGG!!!!

We’re meant to be getting our school reports, and many people have, except for our class because THE OFFICE PEOPLE HATE US. Can’t wait to see my effort grades!

I’m really busy again so I’m going to have to love you and leave you....

She-Who-Is-All-Typed-Out,

Story: Change for a fiver?

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 14:22:58 GMT

I would like to tell you this story is complete fiction and I will do so to avoid being sued by the concerned parties. However, who knows what is really happening? Pictures of Emma and Jimmy are available in School Folks 3 album. Enjoy.

Change for a fiver?

Jimmy had the unfortunate affliction of being madly in love with a girl he knew he could never have for reasons beyond his comprehension. The latter aspect of this problem was one which perplexed him beyond reason for, as many people could testify, Jimmy was a genius who was never baffled by anything. It was not as though Jimmy was the typical genius, no, he was a genuine genius and a modest one at that.

Jimmy had worked himself from nothing in order to become the best he could be. Through dedication, devotion and determination, Jimmy had become one of the most respected and brilliant minds the school for the brightest students held. Apart from his more academic qualifications, Jimmy was also notorious for his single-minded organisational skills which made him just perfect for the role of Library monitor, a role which he cherished beyond all his certificates.

Jimmy just couldn’t understand her and it.

Emma was a girl who was not considered, by a general public consensus, the most appealing of potential conjugal partners with her sunny nature tainted by a slight desire to become ill with the slightest whiff of North wind. Apart from her constant illness (and we all know how important it is to complain about said “illnesses”) Emma was a perfectly likable character but not the first choice of many males as a perfect female as her child-like ways made her seem too difficult to control as a mate.

Jimmy could see through her many faults (and there were many) and was blinded by the simple elegance of her walk, the casual easiness of her smile and the infectious frenzy of her laugh. Jimmy loved how her eyes lit up brightly when she laughed at things she found genuinely entertaining, he loved how she ruffled her nose when she was angry, he loved how she rolled her eyes in mock exasperation as she tried to keep up with him in class. He was enchanted, enraptured, in love with all, everything and more to do with Miss Emma Shorten.

Not that he had ever been in love before, as people like Jimmy rarely fell for a pretty face and a pleasant air, but he assumed that his constant barrage of unexplainable emotion had something to do with making her laugh as much as possible. He wanted to make her happy at all costs. He ached to hear that rupture of laughter (ignoring the snorting) reverberate loudly throughout the Physics classroom and knowing that something he said or did caused it made him want to sing. Not that he ever would sing but, as you know, it is not the action but the desire to complete the action which really matters.

Every day he got a little bit closer to her until the lucky day he was invited to sit at her table by a kind-hearted friend or two. His previous table-friends had started a fight with him and he left their table to sit on his own, imagining how Emma would sit beside him, how Emma would react to hearing that those people had made him leave. He yearned for her to care about him as he glanced jealously at her table, packed with the girls that did not fit in with any other groups but fitted together snugly and perfectly. Unbeknownst to Jimmy, two of Emma’s closest friends had saw him alone and hadn’t hesitated in deciding to offer him a spot at their table. Yes, every day Jimmy got a step closer to Emma and every day he hoped, prayed and begged, she would allow him to take her heart as easily as he took her hand.

A master logistician, Jimmy knew he was not perfect and knew that Emma would never accept him for who he was. He was a joke, a little mascot, sitting at the table with the girls and laughing with them like he was one himself. For all of Jimmy’s brains, all of his charm, he could never make the distance physically for, being a smaller gentleman, he made very little impression on members of the opposite sex. It shattered him, destroyed him, that no-one would ever see him for anything more than “Wee Jimmy”.

Especially her. She who fell for the tall, dark and handsome type. She would laugh at the tiniest idea of him liking her like that. Emma would only love him if he was not him.

And so as he sat at the lunch table, beside the woman he would do anything and everything for, Jimmy felt a certain sort of helplessness that he could not attribute to anything other than the fact she had just smiled at him and accepted his offer to go down to the Physics room to work on their project.

Jimmy knew everything about everything, except when it came to loving Emma Shorten. He knew that it would never and could never happen with her as long as she was still convinced that real love came from physical height. He knew that these feelings would pass over time and he knew he was best to just try and get on with his life, hoping against hope that Emma would one day get out of his but dreading the day she will.

“Jimmy, do you love Emma?” A rather knowledgeable voice broke his thought process. One of the friends who had invited him to the table was peering down at him curiously. This expression, undisguised interest and comprehension, was mirrored in the eyes of every other intelligent female sitting at the table. Emma closed her eyes and groaned, unaware of the slightly cracking noise coming from the direction of Jimmy’s chest.

Yes, Jimmy knew many things and the bulk of his knowledge was about those subjects of academic interest.

“Does anyone have change for a fiver?”

Jimmy knew never to tell her.